Developer: Calvert Strategies, LLC
Price: $2.99 Download on the App Store
SexyTime Sex Position Guide and Choreographer isn't for everyone, and it isn't for "every-when," but then neither are you.
Described by the developers as the best thing to happen to couples since the invention of the honeymoon, SexyTime Guide and Choreographer is trying to "make the world full of happier and healthier people, one choreographed or randomized romp at a time!"
Like other iPhone sex guide apps, SexyTime's Sex Position Guide displays a range of intimate positions (25, in three tastefully rendered silhouette styles,) and describes them in text. Like those other apps, SexyTime takes a “play” approach to sex, which, if you’re looking to your phone for sex advice, is probably a good idea.
But unlike similar apps, SexyTime is serious about it.
First things first: you and your partner can browse through the positions, learning any unfamiliar names, and perhaps practicing a time or two. If sex is play, this phase could be called “knocking boots camp” before you’re ready for the big game. But grab your partner and somehow persevere. If you’re not intent on adding extra partners, “London Bridge” and “Ladies Choice” can be omitted – not to mention the virtually limitless “Daisy Chain.” Of course, if you’ve been looking for a low-risk way to suggest an overnight visitor or eight… it’s worth a shot.
But once you've learned the positions you're interested in, SexyTime departs from the typical cyber-sutra formula. SexyTime’s Choreographer feature allows you to set a list of positions to be maintained for a certain length of time, or to randomize those positions. A suggestive male or female voice — your choice — calls out the next position, and off you go!
This can lead to some oddities; after all, a sultry voice dripping with insinuation can announce “Splitting Bamboo,” and it’s mildly titillating. But there’s no sexy way to say “Coital Alignment.”
Why have a sultry recorded voice say anything? That’s the “serious” part. SexyTime expects you to actually do these positions with partners, not just browse through them with friends you’re trying to convince to be partners.
You can think of the SexyTime Choreographer as a the caller in a special version of naked Twister, or as a modern form square-dancing without the fancy skirts. If you’re of a darker turn of mind, you may see the Choreographeras a mild-mannered dominatrix commanding you and your partner from atop the night table.
Of course, if you're just having fun, the SexyTime app is just a playful new toy to spice up your love life. Couples can often fall into ruts, defaulting to “what works,” and exploration can fall by the wayside. If you are learning how your partner’s body responds, SexyTime can be a non-threatening avenue to discovery. SexyTime Sex Position Guide and Choreographer could as easily be a 10th-anniversary surprise as a gift for a new lover.
If you want to combine sex with social networking — and who doesn't — SexyTime lets you “Sext” a position to a friend. Just don’t send it over a company WiFi network to set up a “nooner.”
Finally, a note of caution to the barely legal, from one who actually had sex before you could attach the prefix “cyber” to it: don’t mechanically try out all the positions and declare yourself “good at it.” There is a world of emotion and sensation out there that has a lot more to do with who you are, and who your partner is, than with the physical arrangement of your body parts.
It’s been said that the most important sex organ is between your ears. And if you find altruism sexy, then Sexytime has yet another trick up it's sleeve. A portion of the app profits will be donated to the Wounded Warrior Project to assist wounded veterans of the US armed forces, and also to the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) to promote science education and critical thinking.